Presence of God...

This week in Connect Group we were talking about the Presence of God. And talking about how in some seasons where life is busy, it can sometimes be really hard to find large amounts of time to read the bible and pray and worship God. And how that can often lead to feelings of guilt and condemnation. Which we know is never from God!
As we were praying, I felt that God dropped something on my spirit to share with 2 mums that were there, but its actually been something that I haven't been able to stop thinking about this week either. I felt like God say "I am a God of quality, not quantity. That if you can only give me 5 minutes, but you give me all of yourself in that 5 minutes...all your attention, heart, passion, awe, wonder, love, dedication...then I would rather that than someone who can give me 30min to read their bible, but is distracted or doing it out of obligation".
It's funny because one of my "love languages" is quality time. Which again isnt necessarily focused on the amount, but more the quality of the time that someone gives you. God is love, so I think God wants ALL the love languages...but I have no doubt He is into quality time with us.
Its challenged me to be purposeful with my time with God. To turn the radio off when driving. To keep my focus on him and not let my mind wander when I pray. To give him all of me, in the small free time I may have.
Yes, reading the bible is essential. But we can get creative in that. Its available on your ipod...blackberry/iphone.
Praying is essential. But we can pray while we drive, do the dishes, go for a short walk around the block.
Worshiping him is essential. But that doesn't mean spending an hour listening to a CD. Sometimes that can be opening our eyes and actually SEEING the wonder of whats around us, and staying in awe of Gods goodness and creation.
I just think...if life is crazy...learn to still give God quality time in your life. Learn to rest in him in the busyness of it. And learn to appreciate his peace and rest. And that only comes as a gift from Him, as you deepen your relationship with Him. And we can all do that no matter how busy our life season is!

**Dependence on God**

So I turned 31 two days ago. Gosh that sounds...older. Dont want to say old because I dont FEEL old. But gosh...31. But I am excited...because it truly feels like one season of my life is ending, and another is beginning. I have 2.5 weeks of work left...and 3.5 weeks until I fly out!! Crazy!! My house is getting packed up. My car is getting sold. I am getting ready to hand over my patients at work. Whilst at the same time I am looking towards the future, and trying to navigate what lies ahead.
I am constantly reminded of how much I need to keep depending on God. I listened to an amazing message a week ago by Darren Kitto. He spoke on Season of Life...and how we need to stay dependent on God. Here is a summary of what he said, because it really spoke to me...so I hope I do it and him justice!

He spoke on Moses, from the book of Exodus. He talked about how Moses was going through a great season...knew his calling, and was confident in that. However he became a little cocky and took things upon himself and acted prematurely...killing someone. When he realised what he had done...he fled to the desert, where he lived for 40 years. 40 looong years!! And then it says that God spoke to him. Which potentially means that he may have gone 40 years without hearing from God! Wowsers! Anyways...God tells him what He wants him to do, but Moses has lost his confidence and asks God 5 questions:

Firstly he asks God "Who am I?"... And God replies and tells him that its not about who Moses is, but about God. And that when God is with us...it doesn't matter who we are, just who God is.

Secondly Moses asks "What shall I say?"...realising that he doesn't have all the answers. And God replies and says "tell them I Am". We need to realise that God is big enough to be God. We don't need to tell people what to do, fix them, condemn them, judge them or always feel pressured to say the right thing. God is big enough to be God to people...all we have to do is point them towards Him, and let Him do the rest.

Thirdly Moses asks "What if they don't believe me?"...again showing his awareness that he cant do it alone. And God tells him to look at what's in his hand. When Moses fled, he became a shepherd, so of course he had a staff in his hand. But God wants us to not write off whats in our hand and presume that its useless...but to change our perspective and see the potential in what is in our life. What may be annoying/frustrating/worthless to us, may be exactly what someone else is desperate for. And God can use everything that's in our hand for His purpose, if we allow him.

Fourthly, Moses points out his insecurities by saying "But I am slow in speech". But God says to him "Who makes mouths, and makes people speak or not speak?" God reminds us that He is bigger than our failings. So instead of focusing on our failings...we need to focus on Him instead.

And lastly Moses...still not getting it...asks "Cant you send someone else?". Seriously...God showed patience here with poor old Moses! He shows Moses his brother Aaron, and points out that he is a good speaker. This shows us that, despite our failures and weaknesses, God can bring people into our life so that we don't need to do the journey alone, and that God will combine our strengths with another person's strengths to get his purpose achieved.

Moses was reminded in the desert of how much he needed God. Moses may have had a calling in his life, like you and I do, but if we allow ourselves to be full of pride or arrogance, and don't totally depend on God...then we will never truly walk in that calling.

So...as I step into my journey...I am reminded again how much I need God. As long as He is with me...I will be ok. I dont need to be God to those around me...just live my life in a way that points others to Him. I need to appreicate my seasons and my circumstances, and be humble in simply using whats in my hand to do what I can. I need to not focus on my failings, and keep my focus on God. And I need to appreciate the people God puts in my life, and not get jealous or competitive with them...but simply see how together, we can all walk into our callings...

End of your rope...

YAY!!! I am so excited and relieved after I was issued my 12 month USA tourism visa today!! And after sitting there for 45min in the waiting area watching person after person get denied...I had no doubt that I was going to need God's favour!!

"You're blessed when you are at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule" Matt 5: 3 (Message)

Life can be stressful. At the moment I have a million things running through my mind and a to-do list a mile long. But I wonder if all the times that we are running around like crazy, trying to make things happen in our own strength, often banging our head against the wall...if God is just watching us. And like a perfect gentleman...waiting for us. Waiting for us to reach the end of our rope...tired, burnt out and ready to collapse...so that He can step in and do what He does best. Carry us. Guide us. Open the right doors. Give us His favour.
I am grateful that I learning slowly to let God and His rule lead me BEFORE I get to the end of my rope. Living a life of faith and hope, no matter how scary things seem or out of control or not going the way I presumed they would go...its actually a free life. A blessed life. And I wouldn't have it any other way..

Unexpected doors...

So I had a good reminder this week of how God is SO not predictable...and doesn't always follow OUR plans. It started when I did my tax return, and knowing that I have a big season of financial stretch ahead (with not working for at least 6 months, volunteering in Uganda and church building in NYC)...I just presumed that God would make it so that I got this great tax return and I would be set. Nope. $180 was my huge, extravagant tax return. So...I looked upward and asked "What the??". And then I felt God remind me that I had to trust Him...

Then this morning at Bondi church I heard Emma speak on having faith with our finances and never getting to a point that we don't need God. And Ben H speak on Moses. He spoke about how Moses took the first step in Exodus 5:22 and went to see Pharaoh. However God then made me think about how Moses went to Pharaoh and told him to release God's people...and how Moses would have just expected Pharaoh to agree. He probably just presumed that that is what God would do. But He didn't. Pharaoh told Moses to get lost...and then Moses went back to God. (On a side note...I love that he went back to God. He didn't go crying to his friends or sit around feeling sorry for himself, like most of us would do). Just like how I expected God to come through with my tax return...I am sure Moses would have expected Pharaoh to just hand the people over.
However...sometimes I think that God doesn't open or come through the door we expect. Because maybe then we would be tempted to take too much of the credit for what happens. Moses may have developed a swollen ego and felt proud that it was because of him that the people were set free. And maybe I would have thought that I was this amazing accountant and it was because of me that I got a great tax return.

Instead...God often comes through an unexpected door. A miraculous door. A door that, even when we step out in faith, still takes us by surprise and reminds us of how amazing God is and how much we need Him. With Moses, God then brought plagues and other problems Pharaoh's way...something Moses could never have done on his own, but yet because Moses had stepped out, Pharaoh still knew to go to Moses and hand the people over.
And with me...I dont know yet. But I do know that God will provide for me. And because I don't know how or when it will happen...it requires me to keep having faith. And I have no doubt that one day soon, a miraculous door will open. One that I couldn't have brought about myself...and although it wont have been my plan or what I expected, I know that it will be exceedingly, abundantly and more than I could ever have imagined!

I Am...

I didnt used to understand what it meant in the bible when God says "Tell them I Am". I Am what?! It never really made any sense to me. I figured it was something too deep and theological, or too abstract for my brain...

And then I heard a song by Nicole Nordeman called "I Am". And it was like the light went on!! I finally got it. One of my favourite verses in the song says this...

"Only sixteen, life is so mean
What kind of curfew is at 10pm?
You saw my mistakes
And watched my heart break
Heard when I swore I'd never love again
And when I was weak, unable to speak
Still I could call You by name
And I said Heartache Healer, Secret Keeper
Be my best friend
And you said, I Am"

I Am. Meaning...He is EVERYTHING. Everything we ever need Him to be.

So now I am thankful that when I say "God...be my best friend, comforter, sounding board, confidante, provider, finance manager, miracle worker, secret keeper, travel agent, visa giver, travelling companion, Father, hand holder, doctor, teacher, forgiver, door opener, door closer, husband finder, strength giver, gift giver, cheerleader,and soul mate...he answers "I Am".

Doubts...

Having doubts is an interesting concept for a Christian. On one hand...I have always felt that I shouldn't have doubts. I should be full of faith, confident and certain of things. No room for doubts.

But is that realistic? Ed Young recently said something that made more sense to me. He said that its ok to have doubts. Because doubts mean that you NEED faith!! If you have no doubts...if you feel certain...then you don't need faith.

So...whats the answer? I think that we will always have some doubts. Life is uncertain. Even when you ask God for something, you don't know what the outcome will look like. As Priscilla Shirer wrote in her book on hearing from God, sometimes you ask God for a breakthrough, but if Hes trying to teach you a different lesson, then the outcome wont be as you expect.

So while we will have doubts, what we can be SURE about is God's promises. Promises to make everything come together for good. That he will lead us. Guide us. Bless us. Open doors. Close doors. Sometimes it wont look like what we expect. Sometimes He wont make our plan happen...instead He will make His plan happen. But you can be confident that His plan is going to work out better than anything you can think or imagine.

So...have faith in God. Not faith in your abilities, strength or circumstances. Have faith in His love and goodness and faithfulness, even in the midst of your doubts and fears.

My thoughts on Relationships...for the singles...

Well whats the point in having a blog if you don't get to just put your opinion out there, I say. So..I wanted to write a post on relationships. The things I think or have learnt. Some many will agree with. Some they wont. But that's ok. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. That's what makes it an opinion! I dont claim to be an expert. But...here are the top 10 things I have pondered on over my first 30 years.

1. You probably wont marry your childhood crush. When I think back to the boys I have lurved in my life...I cant imagine marrying most of them! What you want in a guy changes as you get older and you figure yourself out...so to all the young'uns reading this...please don't rush to want to "meet the one" and get married. Give yourself time to get to know yourself and figure out what you really want, before you decide who you want to spend the rest of your life with.

2. Controversial...but I dont think a guy and a girl can be best friends. When I say best friends...I mean hang out one on one all the time, tell each other everything, and...well, be best friends. I have not known ONE occasion when I have observed this in life where one person hasn't fallen for the other. And before you argue and say that your situation was different - how do you know the other person didn't have feelings for you that they never expressed? I don't think its natural for a guy and a girl to be extremely close...I know that I find it very hard to guard my feelings when I spend a lot of time with a guy. So...in my opinion (and on this I am sure many people will disagree)...I think you need to be very careful if you are building a close friendship with the opposite sex. I don't mean you cant be friends with the opposite sex, hang out occasionally, have them in your life. But I know when I do get married...I wont be comfortable with my husband having a best female friend that he hangs out with one on one all the time and tells everything too...because I know that there is an intimacy there that I don't think is natural between a man and a woman who aren't dating/married. But...tha'ts my opinion...and I shall now move along...

3. Its ok to have a list. Now...I think it becomes a problem when you write a list for what you want in your future partner but you become so rigid that you dont give someone a chance. You cant live in a box. You cant be dictated by your list. But...I believe that can take the gold out of different people and situations in your life and use it to figure out what you like and dislike. Work out whats essential, what would be nice but is optional, and what's a complete deal breaker. For me...my list has mostly things about a person's beliefs and character and personality...ok, and also a little about his looks ;o) But I like having a list. It gives me something I can pray and believe for. But not be controlled by. Its all about balance.

4. God does get involved. Obviously this point is for the Christians who want God to be involved. But I dont agree with people who say that God stays out of it, and that we have full control and can choose who we want to marry. I am not saying God forces us to marry someone we dont want...but why would God stay out of it if I ask for His help and guidance?! He helped me find the right job, housemate, chose the right career at university, find amazing friends...why would he then throw His hands in the air and say "sorry...you have to figure out and choose who you marry. Its up to you. Do what you like". Because for me...that just adds WAY too much pressure to my life. And it will mean that I will walk around constantly searching...come to church totally distracted and unable to listen to the preaching cause I am feeling pressured to find a guy! No thanks. I believe that God knows who I am, knows what I want, knows who would suit me...and he brings the right guy into my life and creates a situation where a relationship may develop. Now I dont mean that you can then sit around at home waiting for God to drop "the One" on your doorstep...but I do believe that as you do life and interact with people that He can bring someone into your life. No...I dont believe there is only one. Because we still have free will, or sadly sometimes the person you love dies...and I cant imagine God sitting up there and saying "what?! Sorry...you had your One. I know he made some pretty dumb decisions and has now wrecked his life and abandoned you...but thats not My fault. Bad luck." But I do believe that He positions certain people in our path who would make a great spouse for us. Maybe there is one person who stands out and is more suited than the other...I don't know. But I do believe that if you ask God for His help...and you trust his timing (despite how FRUSTRATING that can be)...he will bring the right person into your life. AND...he can also take the wrong person out of your life, if you trust him to and don't cling to that person. He can rescue us sometimes when we don't even know we need rescuing. Because He sees a bigger picture than we do, and sometimes we just have to trust that.

5. Guys should pursue the girls. Maybe I am old school. But then so is Hollywood...because in most romantic movies, the guy still goes after his girl. I think its because it is the deepest desire of most girls. To have a guy pursue them...romance them...make them feel so beautiful and special. And for most of the guys I have spoken too...thats the way they want it too. It makes them feel like the man to go after the girl. As Judah Smith recently said...most guys dont want a groupie girl, who virtually stalks him to get into his world. Not cool. And yes...us girls have to help out a little. Create some space and availability in our lives to allow a guy to get close. But I want the right guy to come after me. Because if I go after him...I am not being patient, I am possibly going after the wrong guy, I am robbing him of his masculinity...and for me, it will always leave me feeling like I am wearing the pants in the relationship. And maybe some girls want that...but not me. A strong, confident man is definitely on my list...

6. Dont put God in a box. As I said before...you have to be open to the amazingly different way that people can come into your life. Dont rule out anything. Dont rule out meeting someone online. Dont rule out long distance relationships. Dont rule out arranged marriages (if thats your custom). There is no right or wrong way. But..listen to your gut. Do enough time with the person that you see how they react in a crisis. How they act around their friends and family. How they act when they dont think you are watching them. But please listen to your gut. If you have doubts..dont rush into anything. Dont get pressured by your age (or your mum) to marry someone who isnt totally right for you. Being with the wrong person is FAR worse than being single and waiting for the right person. But...the right person may just creep into your life when you least expect it. So...dont live in a box and be controlled by your expectations.

7. Looks do matter. Yes...who the person is and their character is the most important thing. But I think you have to be attracted to them. Now...what you find attractive wont be the same as the person next to you. Which is good...because thank goodness not all guys like super skinny girls, I say!! But...you have to be attracted to the person you are going to marry. Because if you don't, it leaves a door in your mind that the devil can always use to tempt you. You will constantly be comparing your spouse to someone else that you ARE more attracted too, and this isn't healthy and could potentially lead to an affair. So yes...love them for who they are...and in many cases this causes you to love everything about them. But if someone likes you, but you find over time that you need to keep talking yourself into liking them and being attracted to them...don't settle. Its not fair to you or the other person. Pray for a person who takes your breathe away...maybe by who they are, or how they treat you, or their gorgeous smile...but marry someone you cant live without. Not someone you can tolerate living with.

8. Sex is a big deal. Again...this is more aimed at my christian friends, but deep down I think it applies to everyone. For people who aren't Christians...they think its crazy that God tells us to wait to get married to have sex. They think Hes being a party pooper, out to steal our fun. Or just very ancient and out of touch. But I believe that God asks that of us because He knows it will protect us. Sex is a big deal, and often its not until you are on the other side of the line do you realise that. As a Christian, I believe that it affects your soul, it affects your spiritual life, it opens a door into your life for the devil to have a field-day with, and leaves a big empty hole inside you. Some people may deny this...but maybe you can become numb to the feeling after a while. But sex is a intimacy with someone...and you are giving a piece of yourself to them. Sex is like a fire. When its not contained...it can become like a bush fire...spreading and causing damage and destruction. But when its contained, like in a marriage, its powerful and healthy. Gods into sex. He created it. But He knows that it's something powerful, than can bring pain and damage, or love and a deeper intimacy. But yes....thankfully God is a God full of grace, and just like any other sin, he forgives us when we mess up and we ask for it, and restores wholeness and healing. But its a journey I would love to see people avoid at all costs, because its not an easy one and sadly, not everyone makes it back...

9. All we need is love...but being single isnt a disease. My goodness...I hate the look of pity some people give when they hear you are still single. Its like you told them you were dying!! Being single is just a season of life. There are some great advantages with being single. But most of us spend our single season praying desperately for it to end. Looking so far into the future that we get a neck injury, and end up missing the beauty of today. Like the bible says...if you cant be content no matter your circumstances (ie. when you are single), you will never be content. You will date, but be desperate to get engaged. Get engaged but be desperate to marry. Marry but be desperate for kids. Have kids then be desperate for them to leave home! Most of us won't end up being single forever. But relax. Have faith in Gods plan. Be content and thankful for what you do have in life. And don't miss the beauty of today...

10. There isnt one rule for everyone. This is like the disclaimer. I think everyone needs to realise that everyone is different. These things are just my opinion. It might not be yours, and that's ok. There is no rule book that suits all people. Some people believe in "the One"...some think its baloney. Some will think the friendship rule is ridiculous. Some believe that woman should ask men out. And that's all ok. We are created differently. We have different desires, different opinions, different personalities. God made us like that in order to guide us right into where He wants us. So...keep the rules. Throw them out. You decide. But be happy. Never settle. And live a life where your breath gets taken away...at least once...

Potential...

Have you ever thought about your potential? What does that even mean? Does everyone have one?

Over the last few months...I feel like I have become aware of my potential for the first time in my life. Because my potential is not about what I have done...or even what I am good at...or what I haven't done...its more than that. One dictionary defines it as "Capable of being but not yet in existence".

I look at great musicians...speakers...leaders...and I wonder - do they have more potential than others? Than me? Or...do we all have the same potential inside of us. I think its the latter. I think we all have great potential. Sure, it will look different in all of us. And its different to having specific skills or talents or gifts. Some people might think that because they can't sing, or dance or cook well, or put two words together, that that means that they have no potential. But I don't believe that that's true. I think that we all have potential...but some of us never release it. We live small lives, focusing instead on what we don't have or cant do. We blame our circumstances or our past or our mistakes or what someone has done to us. But none of that takes away from our potential. Nothing or noone can steal it from us. Its always there...waiting to be unleashed. We all have something we can do. If we have hands, we can carry things or hug people or build something. If we have a voice we can speak to people or speak up for people. If we have time, we can give it. If we have ears, we can stop and listen to people. Using your potential doesn't mean becoming rich and famous. But I believe that it means leaving your mark on the world in a unique way. Maybe not in a big way. Maybe just touching one persons life. Doing one small but significant act. Its like a ripple effect...and maybe we under-estimate the potential in the little things we do, and how impacting they can truly be.

For me...its like I can sense my future in a new way. I can sense that I am going to do something life changing...but I dont yet know what that is. And I dont have to strive for it...or be someone I am not to do it...I just have to be willing. Willing to put my hand up. Willing to give it a go. Willing to use whats in my hand...realising that I was made/shaped/designed and given the skills/personality/talents/desires I have in order to use my potential and simply be the best I can be.

Noone is better than anyone in this life. We all have potential. And when we add our potential to Gods plan and power...then what results in something that may even take our breath away. I want that for my life. I want to leave my mark on this world. I don't want to live small...I just want to live willing...

As TD Jakes says...

"Turn around and touch 6 people and tell them..." Well, it actually doesnt matter what you tell them. But I will come back to this...

Hillsong Conference 2010 is over. And what an AMAZING week it was. For me there is no bigger high than getting to volunteer for conference. Investing time into 20,000 Christians from around the world...helping to make their week as smooth and enjoyable as possible, to allow their life to be impacted...so they can then return home and impact others. And some of the most hidden volunteer teams are the most important...like the refresh and catering teams. Quietly serving in the background...never getting the recognition that is deserved, but knowing God sees and will reward their servant hearts. I remember over the years getting that revelation as I have been on my hands and knees, cleaning toilets or picking up people's rubbish from beneath their seat...I am serving a God who sees me and appreciates me, even when noone is around. Its very freeing when you get that revelation, as it stops you craving or needing the appreciation from others.

This year for me personally was such a huge stretch. I got to again help run the main arena...which meant that I sat right at the foot of the stage, often surrounded by some of the Christian world's most "famous" guests and musicians. It was challenging...stretching...it kept me on my toes...but I loved it. However I remember at one point, being surrounded by all these people...but having this amazing sense that in Gods eyes I am just as valuable, just as impacting, have just as much potential, and make God smile just as much as these guys do. It made me brave to sing at the time of my lungs, often out of tune, standing next to some of the world's best christian songwriters and worship leaders. It made me stand tall and feel significant rather than feeling in the way, when surrounded by the guests and pastors. It made me realise my value and potential and significance...but also the significance of others. I sense more than ever in my life that God wants to use me to do something big for him. I have no idea what that means or what it will look like..but I really sense that I am at the beginning of great journey and that my potential is rising to the surface. But I am desperate to stay humble...to never see myself greater than others...to always be willing to do what is needed, without an ego. This year I really noticed the leaders who were great, or not great, as giving value to those around them. Some may give value from the pulpit or the stage, but they arent great at giving it when they are dealing with people back stage or away from the public eye. It made me aware of no matter what God does in my life...I always want to give people value. Thanking the refresh team as they clean the bathroom. Thanking the venue safety guys who stand for hours at a time, opening the doors and checking passes. Seeing them for who they are, what they are sacrificing and giving, and never seeing it as less or not as valuable as the people on stage. Making eye contact, smiling and saying thank you...they aren't hard to give...but I was challenged by the fact that sometimes the more well know leader you become, the less you may be inclined to give it. I was encouraged by my senior pastors and some of the main guests who did...and challenged by those who didnt.

But I think the biggest impact from conference this year for me was the message from the stage...that its all about people. Hearing Joel H speak from his heart about how it has to be more than lights and glamour...and that without God, he is nothing. About how it doesnt matter where we come from, who our parents are, what gifts and talents we have...we all need God, and only with God can we truly succeed and rise up to where He wants to take us.

So last night, during praise and worship in church, TD Jakes' words came back to me..."turn around and touch 6 people and tell them..." Conference cant just be about hearing great messages and feeling inspired, and then coming back home and getting back into the normal life routine. Our lives need to constantly be turning around and touching people. Never being "too good" to stop and make conversation with someone. Never being too busy. Never being too focused that we miss the spontaneous opportunities. Just like when you are standing in a group and someone with a bad smell walks past...or better yet when a guy with a gorgeous aftershave walks past...you are instantly drawn to look around and see what the smell is. Our lives should have an attractive fragrance that comes off them. So that when people see us, they may not know what it is about us that makes us different...but that there is something that makes them turn their head and want to find out. Its about giving people around us value. Meeting their practical and emotional needs. Taking the time to stop...and reach out and touch those people around us...

We cant let conference be just a week where you leave it feeling good...it has to be now about reaching those in our worlds...showing them the love and value that were were blessed to receive from the cross. Without judging or condemning. Simply loving and accepting. So...now its your turn to "turn around and touch 6 people and tell them"...

A shift in perspective...

Today I attended our monthly Motor Neurones Disease (MND) clinic. And today, more than ever before, it really started to shift my perspective on things. Which is good. Because the minute it doesn't, it means I have become numb.

I don't know if you have heard of MND or know anyone who has this medical condition, but I guarantee if you have that you wont have forgotten it. MND in my opinion is probably one of the worst and cruelest medical conditions that exist. When you get diagnosed, for most people this means that you have any where from 9 months to 5 years to live. No treatment. No cure. Nothing. At least with cancer you have a chance of fighting it. But with MND...there is nothing that can be done. Ahead of you...you are likely to lose the strength and movement in your legs. So you can not stand or walk. You lose the strength and movement in your arms. So you can not dress yourself, feed yourself, scratch an itch, hug someone, or wipe your own nose. You may lose the strength of the muscles in your face/throat. Which means you slowly lose the ability to eat and drink. Or even swallow your own saliva. You may also lose the strength in your diaphragm. Which means you struggle to breathe. Yet all this time, in most cases, your mind is alert and knows whats going on. And there is nothing you can do.

Today I sat and watched the patients in front of me. I watched one man as he struggled to breathe. Every breath took such effort and left him exhausted. And I wondered how often I stop and appreciate the fact that I breathe without even realising it. You hear people say "I appreciate the air I breathe"...but I wonder if they really do.
I watched another man in front of me as he "ate" his meal down a PEG tube sticking out of his stomach. And I thought about all the times I feel guilty for eating a piece of chocolate.
I watched the woman who could barely stand and walk across the room, and I thought about all the times I complain about having to walk anywhere or do some exercise because I cant be bothered.
I watched the man who had lost the ability to talk...and I asked myself if I had told all the people in my world enough times that I loved them.
And I watched the carers of all these people...the sons, wives, husbands...and saw the heartache that came as they watched the person they loved die slowly in front of them. And I thought about all the times that I get caught up in petty arguments with family members, rarely stopping to appreciate the time that I have with them.

I wondered if my perspective would change if I knew that I was dying, or I was watching someone I loved dying. And then...I realised that my perspective should change NOW. I don't want to wait to appreciate and love the people closest to me. To wait for the right time to stop and literally breathe and smell the flowers. To walk to places and experience adventure. To use my hands to help others. The time is now. I read a man complaining in the paper today because an Australian sporting team put their hand over their heart as they sang our national anthem, and he was angry because it was un-Australian (and too American). And I thought...that's what you choose to get angry about?! Is your life so small that that's what is important?! The world is big and there is much to be done...and that world might just be the people around you. The neighbour who is sick. The friend who is lonely. Its time we had a shift in our perspective.

"I cant tell how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. We didn't fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren't small, but you're living them in a small way" 2 Corinthians 6:11-13 (message)

In the Beginning...

So...here is my blog. I am not even sure what a blog is. Certainly never bothered reading one. But I am about to embark on a big life adventure and it just seemed silly to keep it to myself.

To start at the beginning...I am a 30 year old Aussie girl. Currently living in Sydney, but deep down still a beach/coastal girl at heart. I work in a hospital, have amazing friends and family...but the most important thing to me is my faith. And no, this wont really be a bible-bashing blog...but its who I am and therefore is a big factor in everything I do/say/think.

Its funny because I am starting this blog because I feel like I am at the start of a great adventure...but what I have come to realise is that even though this is just the beginning...really, things were being put into place a long time ago. So who knows when all this began.
For me it all seemed to start about 3 months ago when I broke up with my fiancee. Amazing guy who treated me well and who I loved...but it wasn't meant to be, and so when God took his hand off things and they got hard, we both decided to walk away. Which became such an amazing/powerful/life-changing time of my life, as ironic as it sounds. I realised truly for the first time that God sees so deep inside of me. He knows what makes me truly happy/fulfilled/hopeful, even when I can't quite figure out what that is. And He rescues us when we are going the wrong way. I now understand the depth of when people say that He has a plan for my life, and I also realised that He never wants us to settle or put aside our desires to pursue that plan...because He gives us those desires and wants us to experience them! He wants us to experience joy and happiness and all of the good things in life, and amazingly if you simply desire God and nothing else, He brings all those things into your life anyways. Pretty cool! In a very summarized nutshell...

So then I found myself back at 30, and single. And I knew that I had a choice. I could either waste the next season of my life feeling miserable and sitting around "waiting" for the right guy...or I could choose to have a great adventure, make the most of my freedom and great single season...and see what God does through that. So that is what I chose.
So now...in exactly 3 months, I will be landing in Uganda, after packing up my life here for a season. I am heading there not for a holiday, but to hopefully impact some young lives - and I am sure in the process, have them impact mine in more ways that I will ever know. I am going to be volunteering in the Watoto Baby home, where they rescue vulnerable and abandoned babies and care for them and raise them up to understand their value and potential. How cool is that! 7 weeks helping to care for up to 75 babies...now that's a LOT of nappies/hungry mouths/cries to comfort! But...like I said...I am not out to have lovely touristy holiday...instead I want to use this time to make my mark and make a difference. No matter how big or little that is.
From there...I head to USA. Spending time with family there, and then heading to the bright lights of NYC to help build and grow the new Hillsong church we are planting there. Yep...totally crazy move. No...no idea where I will live or what I will do. But for the first time in my life, I am on this AMAZING faith journey where I am coming to accept that I don't NEED to know! God does. And I have been blown away in recent times watching Him open doors and start to make things fall in place in my life. Without me having to do anything! Who would have thought that God didn't need me to be running around in a panic trying to control my whole life!?!? Gee...wish I had that figured out earlier!!
So yeah...I guess this will be a blog of my adventures. The good. The sad. The very ugly. But as the name of my blog suggests...I believe that for the next 365 days...my life will shift. Maybe just one degree a day...maybe more...maybe some days I go backwards. But I believe that by the time this season ends, I will have gone full circle...plus some. And come back a changed, stronger, more passionate and more convicted woman. And maybe with a few cute African babies in my backpack!! Shhh...

http://www.watoto.com/projects/the-watoto-model/baby-watoto