The Puzzle Piece...

As I stand in the doorway of 2011...I wonder whats on the other side. This year feels different. I feel different. I know that I am about to step into a new season. A new beginning. I feel scared and excited. But mostly...I feel a new passion. A passion to serve God like never before. To be all that I can be. Like it talks about in Psalm 42, my heart truly thirsts for God. And if you have ever been truly thirsty, you will know the desperation that that brings.

Its New Years Eve. A time to reflect back over the last 12 months. And also to think about what 2011 may bring. When I started this blog...I wanted to go on an adventure and turn around "365 degrees". To see more of what is out there. But to simply turn 365 degrees can mean that, by the end, you may have seen more, but you may still be the same size. But...after only 4 months, I have realised that I will never be the same size again. 

It makes me think about a message that I heard recently about being a puzzle piece. About how we are each an important and unique piece, which without us, the big picture would never be completed. But that also, through the big picture, we find our place. Our purpose. Where we fit.

As I look back over my last 12 months...actually over my last 10 years...I feel like I knew exactly where I fit. My puzzle piece was in its place, and I knew my purpose. I was content. But 2010 was a life changing year. It felt like...I stepped out of my puzzle. Just to look around. To see what else was out there. But in the process...I changed. I feel deeper in love with God. My desire to serve Him in whatever He called me to grew. My faith deepened. I fell in love and had my heart broken. I went to Africa and had my heart, mind and perspective changed forever. I am more passionate to see my friends and family saved and living free. My desire to be married and have a family, to impact my next generation, grew. I still love Australia. Still love my job. Love my church and friends at home. But I feel like I am not the same shape any more. I am bigger. Deeper. Altered forever. And now I am not sure if I will just "fit" back into my old puzzle anymore.

So...as I look forward to 2011, I realise that my journey will now also be about discovering where I fit. Maybe its finding a new puzzle. Ending up somewhere that I never expected, but living out my potential in a whole new way. Realising that my new desires, dreams, passions, stretch and even the desert times were for "such a time as this". Or maybe it will be about going back to my old puzzle, but enlarging my space there. Going back to where I loved, but making a bigger impact. I don't know.

So...standing in the doorway to 2011...I wait. I feel like I want to step through and serve God like never before. However I am thankful that God doesn't see me as His servant. He sees me as His daughter. Which means that He is filled with love, dreams, plans and blessings for me. So no matter where I fit, and whats on the other side of the doorway...I know that it will be better than whats behind me. That the best is yet to come in my life. And I pray that 2011 is filled with God's best. For me...and for you. Happy New Year. 

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What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger

So my facebook status today reflected something that I haven't been able to stop thinking about all night. I have been (stupidly!!) doing the Insanity workout DVDs...everyday for 4 weeks. Thank you, thank you...I shall take a bow! They are so intense that I literally think my heart is about to come out my chest. Today Shaun T, the very attractive instructor, says in the middle of the killer workout "I don't want to hurt you...I just want to make you better". And as I then wrote in my status...I realise that sometimes God says the same thing to me.

When I was at university, I had to have an operation near my tailbone. It was because there was a deep infection in there that wouldn't heal. On the surface, you couldn't really see that it was infected...but it was deep and painful. I had to have surgery and get it all cut out...but the interesting thing was that for this type of wound, the doctor didn't stitch it closed. I needed to get it packed so that it could heal properly from the inside out.

There are times in our lives where we get "sick" deep inside. Maybe its unforgiveness. Maybe its jealously. Maybe its loneliness. Maybe its bitterness. But something deep inside of us is painful and just won't heal. We can keep smiling and act like we are ok, but we carry it with us and it grows and grows.

So...sometimes God needs to get that infection out. And it can be a painful process. It can hurt as we are forced to deal with our issues. Face our past. Choose to let things go. But like Shaun said - its not designed to hurt us, but to make us better. Sometimes just stitching up or putting a band-aid on the surface won't fix it...you need to go through a painful process in order to get fully healed.

I once heard a great message talking about buildings. The preacher talked about how if you build a building...but half way through you notice the building is on a lean, you cant just change direction and start building it the other way. Unfortunately you need to knock the building down and go back to the foundations in order to rebuild it properly. The knockdown process hurts. And can be humbling. And defeating. But there is not point trying to ignore it and just keep building, because eventually everything will collapse and fall down. The foundation has to be strong. And often it is...but somewhere along the line we get distracted and maybe stop looking at the Architect's plans, and we get a lean happening. So...it's time to scrape it all away and get back to the foundations, and start again.

These growth times in our lives really can hurt, as we are forced to stretch past whats comfortable. But like a rubber band...after you stretch it, it actually never goes back to the same size. It becomes that little bit bigger. That's like us. If you can make it through the painful stretch times, you will find on the other side that you are bigger and better.

Thirteen long years

So I was reading Genesis 16 and 17 last night, about one of my fav's...Abraham. Genesis 16 is all about how Abraham (at that stage still called Abram) and Sarah doubt God's promise, and get impatient with His timing, so take things into their own hands and have a baby through Hagar, the servant. This chapter ends with "Abram was 86 years old when Hagar gave birth to their son, and he named him Ishmael".

Chapter 17 then starts "Abram was 99 years old when the Lord appeared to him again and said 'I am God All-Powerful. If you obey me and always do right, I will keep my solemn promise to you and give you more descendants than can be counted". Wait a minute...that means 13 years went by!! 13 long years!! 13 years before the Lord appeared to Abram again...wow.

It reminded me again of the danger of when we take things into our own hands. Sarah and Abram rushed before God impatiently, had a baby to another woman...and it all ended in a mess. But on top of that...it sounds like God didnt then appear to Abram for 13 years!! I sometimes get impatient if I dont feel like I have heard from God for a week...but 13 years?

When we rush ahead and dont trust Gods timing and plan, we run the risk of making things take longer than they were supposed to. I guess we will never know whether they could have had their baby sooner had they waited on God. But I do think that they spent the long season in silence...which would have made the waiting seem a heck of a lot longer!!

I am an impatient person. I have dreams and desires in my heart that I want to happen NOW. It seems so easy to run ahead of God and try to figure things out on my own. Put my own plans into play. But the thought of spending 13 years without hearing from God...so not worth it. Besides...my plans would never work out as amazing as God's anyways...so whats the point.

On another note, I am also thankful when I read these chapters that God is a God of second chances. Yep, they stuffed up. But that didnt disqualify them from God's promise. He gave them a second chance, and then blessed them more than they could ever imagine.

When it comes to impatience...I know all about it. But just wait. Wait for what God has for you. If you rush ahead, you actually run the risk of having to wait longer for God's promises in your life. Or worse...silence! Yes you can have a second chance...but isnt it better to just enjoy the first, perfectly planned and timed chance...

The Rock...from Khim

My beautiful friend Khim shared this story with me...and I loved it so much I wanted to share it with those in my world. So enjoy...

A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light, and God appeared. The Lord told the man he had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might.

So, this the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down; his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with all of his might. Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain. Since the man was showing signs of discouragement, Satan decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts into the weary mind: “you have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn’t moved.” Thus, giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure. These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man. “Why kill myself over this?” he thought! “I’ll just put in my time, giving just the minimum effort; and that will be good enough.”And that is what he planned to do, until one day he decided to make it a matter of prayer and take his troubled thoughts to the Lord.

“Lord,” he said, “I have labored long and hard in your service, using all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?” The Lord responded compassionately,”My friend, when I asked you to serve Me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all of your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. And now you come to Me with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But, is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewy and brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition you have grown much, and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have. Yet you haven’t moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith and trust in My wisdom. This you have done. Now, my friend, I will now move the rock.”

At times, when we hear a word from God, we tend to use our own intellect to decipher what He wants, when actually what God wants is just a simple obedience and faith in Him. By all means, exercise the faith that moves mountains, but know that it is still God who moves mountains.

Can sorrow be a gift?

"Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me "My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness." Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become" 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (Message)

OK...now seriously...who SAYS that? Who seriously loves the hard times that come into their life...let alone faces them with good cheer? Well, I used to think that was impossible. But actually...now...I think it is possible. OK, maybe the 'good cheer' bit is a stretch, but my attitude towards hard times has changed over the last year.

In fact, right now I am going through a hard time. Typical case of heartbreak. If you have been there (and I would love to meet someone who hasn't!) I am sure you can relate to the feeling. That ache in your heart that you can't shake. The sick feeling. The inability to get out of bed. Yep...it would definitely be in the category of crappy times. Like it says above...it feels like Satan is trying to push you over and squash you down.

But...I think I am finally in a place with God where I allow the tough times not to push me over, but instead push me onto my knees and closer to God. Don't get me wrong...the pain is still there. And it hurts. But knowing that its probably these times more than any other that sends me running to my Father. Knowing that I never push into Him as much, depend on Him as much, cling to Him as much as I do during these times...is very powerful. Because it's there that you can truly feel His peace and comfort and stillness, even in the midst of the pain. You can even feel joy, which took me a long time to comprehend. Because, as I may have written before, joy is not the same as happiness. For me, joy is sensing God and his peace and love deep on the inside, even right in the middle of sadness.

I think that Paul was right in Corinthians. I think sometimes, as agonizing as the painful times are...they can be a gift. Because you can never sense God's peace, unless you first feel turmoil. You can never sense His comfort, unless you first feel sorrow. You can never feel His presence, unless you first feel loneliness. You can never feel His strength, unless you first feel empty and weak.

I may not go as far as saying I look cheerfully towards crappy times. I would certainly like to keep them to a minimum in my life! But...they do allow you to experience a depth with God like no other time. I hate what I feel right now...but at the same time, I love how close I feel to God. I love knowing that He is with me during this time. That he hasn't left me. That He is with me every step of the way through this journey.

If you are going though a hard time right now, don't run from God. Yes....you can feel angry with Him. Yell at Him if you need to. But I challenge you to push into Him like you never have before. Give Him all the pain and sorrow and heartache and fear you feel, and allow him to replace them with His peace, strength, love and joy. The circumstances may not change...and there will still be times where your heart still feels like it could explode with pain...but He can take much of the sorrow from you. Trust me...I am speaking from experience! Try it...I dare you...

Click here...Came To my Rescue song (Hillong United)