Don't leave Him behind

"Jesus saw that in their enthusiasm, they were about to grab him and make him king, so he slipped off and went back up the mountain to be by himself.

16-21 In the evening his disciples went down to the sea, got in the boat, and headed back across the water to Capernaum. It had grown quite dark and Jesus had not yet returned. A huge wind blew up, churning the sea. They were maybe three or four miles out when they saw Jesus walking on the sea, quite near the boat. They were scared senseless, but he reassured them, “It’s me. It’s all right. Don’t be afraid.” So they took him on board. In no time they reached land—the exact spot they were headed to." John 6: 15-21 (msg)

Sometimes when I read the same bible story I have read a million times, I naturally start to skim over it. It seems so familiar that its easy not to take the time to notice details. Or think about it in a different way. But I am thankful for the times that it comes alive. That the Word jumps off the page and allows me to think about it in a new way. 

I have always read the story above and focused on the fact that Jesus walked on the water. I mean, no doubt about it…it's the most significant part of the story. But what I have often skimmed over is how the disciples got to where they were. The bible tells us that Jesus had gone off up the mountain to be by himself. Jesus often did that…He knew the importance of spending time alone with God. And then it talks about how the disciples later that evening headed back down to the sea, got in the boat and headed off. But…weren't they going to wait for Jesus? 

Have you ever been shopping with your friends, and maybe you are in a shop looking at some things…and next thing you know, you look around and your friends have wandered off! Maybe they got distracted but a sale nearby. Or saw someone they knew. But it's funny how easy that feeling comes of being left behind. The disciples just left Jesus behind. The verse talks about that Jesus slipped off, so I don't get the impression that they all made plans about what time they would meet and if they weren't there, how Jesus would get his own lift back. No….the disciples just got in the boat and left. What was it that made them do that?

I wonder if they had seen that the darkness was coming. It was getting late. Maybe they could sense a storm was close. Maybe they panicked a little and decided to take things into their own hands and just head off on their own. Kind  of what we do too, right? When things start to get a little crazy in life. Maybe a storm is brewing, so it's easy for us to panic and rush to take control of things. Run ahead and start to make plans without waiting for Jesus. 

But I love what happens. Right in the middle of the storm, when they were terrified and had probably realised that were WAY out of their depths, Jesus turns up and reassures them. He tells them that He is there. And that they shouldn't be afraid. He steps right into their circumstances…right into the boat…and helps them continue on their journey. And where do they end up? The exact spot that there were heading. I wonder what would have happened if they had waited for Jesus, whether they would have ended up at the same place anyways, perhaps having missed the storm. But either way…we are always going to end up in storms. Storms that force us to look out for Jesus. That force us to listen for His voice. Force us to invite him into our boat. And He too will guide us exactly where He wants us to be. So don't be afraid. He's here. 

He sees the ONE

John 6:6 "When Jesus looked out and saw that a large crowd had arrived, he said to Phillip "Where can we buy bread to feed these people?" He said this to stretch Phillip's faith. He already knew what he was going to do"

The story that follows is a famous story in the bible. A boy brings forward 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, which Jesus then uses to feed thousands of people. And of course have leftovers, because everybody loves leftovers, even Jesus. But I only realised today as I read this in my bible…that Jesus wanted to stretch Phillip's faith. Later in John 6 it says that "the people realised that God was at work among them in what Jesus had just done". Which is awesome…it probably lead to the salvation of most of that crowd! However, Jesus had seen Phillip. I have no idea what Phillip was going through. What was maybe playing on his heart and mind. But Jesus did. And for some reason, He wanted to do something that would stretch Phillip's faith.

We will all go through times where our faith is stretched. Sometimes its something simple or quick. Sometimes its something heartbreaking. Life threatening. A situation that just feels like it won't end and our faith is being stretched thin. No matter that we are going through…we have to remember that God already knows what He is going to do. Psalm 31:14-15 says "But I am trusting you, O Lord, saying "You are my God! My future is in your hands". Trusting that God knows exactly what the future holds for us is hard. Really hard. It's more that our minds can often comprehend. But He does, because the bible cannot lie. God started writing out the story of our lives the minute the thought of us popped into his mind. He smiled, and started writing out the poem of our life. He knew it would contain pain. Sadness. Scary times. Joy. Laughter. He knows every detail about us, including what's going on on the inside. No matter what our circumstances look like, God cares about our character. Who we are becoming on the inside. And He will use whatever He needs to to use to shape us into WHO He wants us to be. Before He takes us to WHERE he wants to take us. And give us all He wants to give us. Sometimes He will stretch us. Stretch our faith. But let us use these times to grow. To push deeper into Him. To let go of some of the junk that we have started to carry. Maybe we need to in order to step into what God has planned ahead. Because He has, you know, planned ahead. Nothing is a surprise to him. He authored every day. Every step. And I bet He can't wait to see the smile on our faces as we step into it…

A New Day...

Well its been a VERY long time since I found my way here to my blog. So long that I don't even know if it's cool to call it a blog anymore (Yes I watched White House Down). Mostly because I have been walking a pretty tough journey and spending most of my time journalling and pushing into God privately. But something stirred inside me again to go back to writing. Mostly because I love it. But maybe also because HE has things He wants me to share. So…here we go…its a new day…

THE TRUST JOURNEY
I feel like I have spent the last 2 years of my life learning what trusting God looks like. I used to think I knew. When it involved smaller decisions. Or when I always got the answers I wanted. He took me to Africa and NYC and my faith was at an all time high. I would believe Him for something, and it happened. He gave me favour and blessing and open doors and opportunities that could ONLY be from Him. Faith seemed easy, although still scary. But it always worked out, right?

And then it didn't. The visa was denied. I didn't get to go back to where I wanted. Then later, I didn't get to date the boy I wanted. It seemed like my "faith" magic wand was gone. But that's when I started on the journey of REALLY understanding what trust is.

I was once asked the difference between faith, hope and trust. I thought they were the same thing. Just different words for the same concept. But recently I have learnt, in my personal opinion, they aren't. God took me on the journey of trust that involved waiting for Him. Which if you haven't been in that season…RUN. It's hard!!! Like, the hardest thing ever. Because I used to think I was waiting and trusting. Until I got impatient. And "helped God out". And then when it didn't work, I went back to Him in faith and waited til He fixed it. That counts, right? And then He took me on a real journey of making me wait. Like, really wait. NOT being impatient and doing what I felt needed to be done. NOT being in control, but handing it fully to him (which actually felt like I was tearing my flesh…no joke.) NOT doing what I wanted, but obeying Him. Simply…waiting. And I am still waiting, after 2 years.

First I just had faith. Which looking back now means, I knew in my head God could do what I needed Him to do. He could meet all my needs. Nothing was impossible. I knew what the scriptures said and I knew them to be true. But I couldn't figure out how I could have total faith…yet no hope. I was still filled with despair. Thats when I realised faith and hope weren't the same thing. Sometimes you can know in your head, but not believe in your heart. So then I went on the journey of learning to have hope. And its only when you let it all trickle down from your head and into your heart, and you start to believe, can you combine hope and faith to produce trust. The ultimate goal. Letting go. Giving Him FULL control. Because you KNOW He can do it. And you BELIEVE He will. Doesn't mean I still don't have days full of doubt. Or fear. Or wanting to just take back control and force circumstances in my favour. But I don't. I continue to chose to wait. Be patient. Give Him control. To obey when He asks me to wait. And trust Him. Hardest journey ever. But I know the rewards are coming...