Pull up a pillow...

So my 365 days are over. I have been to Africa and NYC and had my heart changed, stretched, ripped apart, put back together, and finally left where it belongs. In NYC. But for now...I am back in Sydney, waiting to hopefully go back to NYC. Its been 2 weeks since I arrived, but I can honestly say they have been the toughest 2 weeks of the journey. Judah Smith put it so beautifully in a message he preached at HC2010 - I no longer fit where I used to be, yet I am not yet where I am supposed to be. I am living "in the meantime". And I can tell you from experience...its one of the toughest places to live!

Judah's message was based on Mark 4: 35-41. This is the story of when Jesus and the disciples are heading in a boat to "the other side". A huge storm comes up, yet Jesus is asleep on a pillow at the back of the boat. The disciples freak out, and wake Jesus saying "Don't you care that we are sinking?" Jesus then calms the storm and asks them "Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith".

I wept when I read this story in the context of Judah's message, as I realised its the story of my current journey. I am in a boat, journeying to "the other side" of my next season. And I was in a storm...a crazy, internal storm. I felt lost and like I was drowning in emotion. I am sure there was a part of my heart crying out "don't you care that I am sinking?!" Yet Jesus sleeps. He of course wakes to calm the storm of my life when I cry out to him; but then I wonder if He goes back to sleep. Because you see...Jesus is not worried about the storms of our life. They don't take Him by surprise. They don't scare him. They don't make him doubt his power or control. He sleeps because he knows no storm will stop him getting me to the other side of my journey.

It made me so grateful that Jesus is in my boat with me. He calms my storms. He is the captain who knows which way to steer the boat. And how long its going to take to get there. Hes not worried. He doesn't get panicked about my storms. He rests. And I think he invites me to rest with him. I think that's faith...not constantly looking at the waves, or trying to stare into the horizon to see the land ahead...but simply resting next to him. And trusting that the "meantime" season doesn't last forever. Soon I will arrive...and I should probably be rested in order to keep running in my journey once I get there...