My thoughts on Relationships...for the singles...

Well whats the point in having a blog if you don't get to just put your opinion out there, I say. So..I wanted to write a post on relationships. The things I think or have learnt. Some many will agree with. Some they wont. But that's ok. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. That's what makes it an opinion! I dont claim to be an expert. But...here are the top 10 things I have pondered on over my first 30 years.

1. You probably wont marry your childhood crush. When I think back to the boys I have lurved in my life...I cant imagine marrying most of them! What you want in a guy changes as you get older and you figure yourself out...so to all the young'uns reading this...please don't rush to want to "meet the one" and get married. Give yourself time to get to know yourself and figure out what you really want, before you decide who you want to spend the rest of your life with.

2. Controversial...but I dont think a guy and a girl can be best friends. When I say best friends...I mean hang out one on one all the time, tell each other everything, and...well, be best friends. I have not known ONE occasion when I have observed this in life where one person hasn't fallen for the other. And before you argue and say that your situation was different - how do you know the other person didn't have feelings for you that they never expressed? I don't think its natural for a guy and a girl to be extremely close...I know that I find it very hard to guard my feelings when I spend a lot of time with a guy. So...in my opinion (and on this I am sure many people will disagree)...I think you need to be very careful if you are building a close friendship with the opposite sex. I don't mean you cant be friends with the opposite sex, hang out occasionally, have them in your life. But I know when I do get married...I wont be comfortable with my husband having a best female friend that he hangs out with one on one all the time and tells everything too...because I know that there is an intimacy there that I don't think is natural between a man and a woman who aren't dating/married. But...tha'ts my opinion...and I shall now move along...

3. Its ok to have a list. Now...I think it becomes a problem when you write a list for what you want in your future partner but you become so rigid that you dont give someone a chance. You cant live in a box. You cant be dictated by your list. But...I believe that can take the gold out of different people and situations in your life and use it to figure out what you like and dislike. Work out whats essential, what would be nice but is optional, and what's a complete deal breaker. For me...my list has mostly things about a person's beliefs and character and personality...ok, and also a little about his looks ;o) But I like having a list. It gives me something I can pray and believe for. But not be controlled by. Its all about balance.

4. God does get involved. Obviously this point is for the Christians who want God to be involved. But I dont agree with people who say that God stays out of it, and that we have full control and can choose who we want to marry. I am not saying God forces us to marry someone we dont want...but why would God stay out of it if I ask for His help and guidance?! He helped me find the right job, housemate, chose the right career at university, find amazing friends...why would he then throw His hands in the air and say "sorry...you have to figure out and choose who you marry. Its up to you. Do what you like". Because for me...that just adds WAY too much pressure to my life. And it will mean that I will walk around constantly searching...come to church totally distracted and unable to listen to the preaching cause I am feeling pressured to find a guy! No thanks. I believe that God knows who I am, knows what I want, knows who would suit me...and he brings the right guy into my life and creates a situation where a relationship may develop. Now I dont mean that you can then sit around at home waiting for God to drop "the One" on your doorstep...but I do believe that as you do life and interact with people that He can bring someone into your life. No...I dont believe there is only one. Because we still have free will, or sadly sometimes the person you love dies...and I cant imagine God sitting up there and saying "what?! Sorry...you had your One. I know he made some pretty dumb decisions and has now wrecked his life and abandoned you...but thats not My fault. Bad luck." But I do believe that He positions certain people in our path who would make a great spouse for us. Maybe there is one person who stands out and is more suited than the other...I don't know. But I do believe that if you ask God for His help...and you trust his timing (despite how FRUSTRATING that can be)...he will bring the right person into your life. AND...he can also take the wrong person out of your life, if you trust him to and don't cling to that person. He can rescue us sometimes when we don't even know we need rescuing. Because He sees a bigger picture than we do, and sometimes we just have to trust that.

5. Guys should pursue the girls. Maybe I am old school. But then so is Hollywood...because in most romantic movies, the guy still goes after his girl. I think its because it is the deepest desire of most girls. To have a guy pursue them...romance them...make them feel so beautiful and special. And for most of the guys I have spoken too...thats the way they want it too. It makes them feel like the man to go after the girl. As Judah Smith recently said...most guys dont want a groupie girl, who virtually stalks him to get into his world. Not cool. And yes...us girls have to help out a little. Create some space and availability in our lives to allow a guy to get close. But I want the right guy to come after me. Because if I go after him...I am not being patient, I am possibly going after the wrong guy, I am robbing him of his masculinity...and for me, it will always leave me feeling like I am wearing the pants in the relationship. And maybe some girls want that...but not me. A strong, confident man is definitely on my list...

6. Dont put God in a box. As I said before...you have to be open to the amazingly different way that people can come into your life. Dont rule out anything. Dont rule out meeting someone online. Dont rule out long distance relationships. Dont rule out arranged marriages (if thats your custom). There is no right or wrong way. But..listen to your gut. Do enough time with the person that you see how they react in a crisis. How they act around their friends and family. How they act when they dont think you are watching them. But please listen to your gut. If you have doubts..dont rush into anything. Dont get pressured by your age (or your mum) to marry someone who isnt totally right for you. Being with the wrong person is FAR worse than being single and waiting for the right person. But...the right person may just creep into your life when you least expect it. So...dont live in a box and be controlled by your expectations.

7. Looks do matter. Yes...who the person is and their character is the most important thing. But I think you have to be attracted to them. Now...what you find attractive wont be the same as the person next to you. Which is good...because thank goodness not all guys like super skinny girls, I say!! But...you have to be attracted to the person you are going to marry. Because if you don't, it leaves a door in your mind that the devil can always use to tempt you. You will constantly be comparing your spouse to someone else that you ARE more attracted too, and this isn't healthy and could potentially lead to an affair. So yes...love them for who they are...and in many cases this causes you to love everything about them. But if someone likes you, but you find over time that you need to keep talking yourself into liking them and being attracted to them...don't settle. Its not fair to you or the other person. Pray for a person who takes your breathe away...maybe by who they are, or how they treat you, or their gorgeous smile...but marry someone you cant live without. Not someone you can tolerate living with.

8. Sex is a big deal. Again...this is more aimed at my christian friends, but deep down I think it applies to everyone. For people who aren't Christians...they think its crazy that God tells us to wait to get married to have sex. They think Hes being a party pooper, out to steal our fun. Or just very ancient and out of touch. But I believe that God asks that of us because He knows it will protect us. Sex is a big deal, and often its not until you are on the other side of the line do you realise that. As a Christian, I believe that it affects your soul, it affects your spiritual life, it opens a door into your life for the devil to have a field-day with, and leaves a big empty hole inside you. Some people may deny this...but maybe you can become numb to the feeling after a while. But sex is a intimacy with someone...and you are giving a piece of yourself to them. Sex is like a fire. When its not contained...it can become like a bush fire...spreading and causing damage and destruction. But when its contained, like in a marriage, its powerful and healthy. Gods into sex. He created it. But He knows that it's something powerful, than can bring pain and damage, or love and a deeper intimacy. But yes....thankfully God is a God full of grace, and just like any other sin, he forgives us when we mess up and we ask for it, and restores wholeness and healing. But its a journey I would love to see people avoid at all costs, because its not an easy one and sadly, not everyone makes it back...

9. All we need is love...but being single isnt a disease. My goodness...I hate the look of pity some people give when they hear you are still single. Its like you told them you were dying!! Being single is just a season of life. There are some great advantages with being single. But most of us spend our single season praying desperately for it to end. Looking so far into the future that we get a neck injury, and end up missing the beauty of today. Like the bible says...if you cant be content no matter your circumstances (ie. when you are single), you will never be content. You will date, but be desperate to get engaged. Get engaged but be desperate to marry. Marry but be desperate for kids. Have kids then be desperate for them to leave home! Most of us won't end up being single forever. But relax. Have faith in Gods plan. Be content and thankful for what you do have in life. And don't miss the beauty of today...

10. There isnt one rule for everyone. This is like the disclaimer. I think everyone needs to realise that everyone is different. These things are just my opinion. It might not be yours, and that's ok. There is no rule book that suits all people. Some people believe in "the One"...some think its baloney. Some will think the friendship rule is ridiculous. Some believe that woman should ask men out. And that's all ok. We are created differently. We have different desires, different opinions, different personalities. God made us like that in order to guide us right into where He wants us. So...keep the rules. Throw them out. You decide. But be happy. Never settle. And live a life where your breath gets taken away...at least once...

Potential...

Have you ever thought about your potential? What does that even mean? Does everyone have one?

Over the last few months...I feel like I have become aware of my potential for the first time in my life. Because my potential is not about what I have done...or even what I am good at...or what I haven't done...its more than that. One dictionary defines it as "Capable of being but not yet in existence".

I look at great musicians...speakers...leaders...and I wonder - do they have more potential than others? Than me? Or...do we all have the same potential inside of us. I think its the latter. I think we all have great potential. Sure, it will look different in all of us. And its different to having specific skills or talents or gifts. Some people might think that because they can't sing, or dance or cook well, or put two words together, that that means that they have no potential. But I don't believe that that's true. I think that we all have potential...but some of us never release it. We live small lives, focusing instead on what we don't have or cant do. We blame our circumstances or our past or our mistakes or what someone has done to us. But none of that takes away from our potential. Nothing or noone can steal it from us. Its always there...waiting to be unleashed. We all have something we can do. If we have hands, we can carry things or hug people or build something. If we have a voice we can speak to people or speak up for people. If we have time, we can give it. If we have ears, we can stop and listen to people. Using your potential doesn't mean becoming rich and famous. But I believe that it means leaving your mark on the world in a unique way. Maybe not in a big way. Maybe just touching one persons life. Doing one small but significant act. Its like a ripple effect...and maybe we under-estimate the potential in the little things we do, and how impacting they can truly be.

For me...its like I can sense my future in a new way. I can sense that I am going to do something life changing...but I dont yet know what that is. And I dont have to strive for it...or be someone I am not to do it...I just have to be willing. Willing to put my hand up. Willing to give it a go. Willing to use whats in my hand...realising that I was made/shaped/designed and given the skills/personality/talents/desires I have in order to use my potential and simply be the best I can be.

Noone is better than anyone in this life. We all have potential. And when we add our potential to Gods plan and power...then what results in something that may even take our breath away. I want that for my life. I want to leave my mark on this world. I don't want to live small...I just want to live willing...

As TD Jakes says...

"Turn around and touch 6 people and tell them..." Well, it actually doesnt matter what you tell them. But I will come back to this...

Hillsong Conference 2010 is over. And what an AMAZING week it was. For me there is no bigger high than getting to volunteer for conference. Investing time into 20,000 Christians from around the world...helping to make their week as smooth and enjoyable as possible, to allow their life to be impacted...so they can then return home and impact others. And some of the most hidden volunteer teams are the most important...like the refresh and catering teams. Quietly serving in the background...never getting the recognition that is deserved, but knowing God sees and will reward their servant hearts. I remember over the years getting that revelation as I have been on my hands and knees, cleaning toilets or picking up people's rubbish from beneath their seat...I am serving a God who sees me and appreciates me, even when noone is around. Its very freeing when you get that revelation, as it stops you craving or needing the appreciation from others.

This year for me personally was such a huge stretch. I got to again help run the main arena...which meant that I sat right at the foot of the stage, often surrounded by some of the Christian world's most "famous" guests and musicians. It was challenging...stretching...it kept me on my toes...but I loved it. However I remember at one point, being surrounded by all these people...but having this amazing sense that in Gods eyes I am just as valuable, just as impacting, have just as much potential, and make God smile just as much as these guys do. It made me brave to sing at the time of my lungs, often out of tune, standing next to some of the world's best christian songwriters and worship leaders. It made me stand tall and feel significant rather than feeling in the way, when surrounded by the guests and pastors. It made me realise my value and potential and significance...but also the significance of others. I sense more than ever in my life that God wants to use me to do something big for him. I have no idea what that means or what it will look like..but I really sense that I am at the beginning of great journey and that my potential is rising to the surface. But I am desperate to stay humble...to never see myself greater than others...to always be willing to do what is needed, without an ego. This year I really noticed the leaders who were great, or not great, as giving value to those around them. Some may give value from the pulpit or the stage, but they arent great at giving it when they are dealing with people back stage or away from the public eye. It made me aware of no matter what God does in my life...I always want to give people value. Thanking the refresh team as they clean the bathroom. Thanking the venue safety guys who stand for hours at a time, opening the doors and checking passes. Seeing them for who they are, what they are sacrificing and giving, and never seeing it as less or not as valuable as the people on stage. Making eye contact, smiling and saying thank you...they aren't hard to give...but I was challenged by the fact that sometimes the more well know leader you become, the less you may be inclined to give it. I was encouraged by my senior pastors and some of the main guests who did...and challenged by those who didnt.

But I think the biggest impact from conference this year for me was the message from the stage...that its all about people. Hearing Joel H speak from his heart about how it has to be more than lights and glamour...and that without God, he is nothing. About how it doesnt matter where we come from, who our parents are, what gifts and talents we have...we all need God, and only with God can we truly succeed and rise up to where He wants to take us.

So last night, during praise and worship in church, TD Jakes' words came back to me..."turn around and touch 6 people and tell them..." Conference cant just be about hearing great messages and feeling inspired, and then coming back home and getting back into the normal life routine. Our lives need to constantly be turning around and touching people. Never being "too good" to stop and make conversation with someone. Never being too busy. Never being too focused that we miss the spontaneous opportunities. Just like when you are standing in a group and someone with a bad smell walks past...or better yet when a guy with a gorgeous aftershave walks past...you are instantly drawn to look around and see what the smell is. Our lives should have an attractive fragrance that comes off them. So that when people see us, they may not know what it is about us that makes us different...but that there is something that makes them turn their head and want to find out. Its about giving people around us value. Meeting their practical and emotional needs. Taking the time to stop...and reach out and touch those people around us...

We cant let conference be just a week where you leave it feeling good...it has to be now about reaching those in our worlds...showing them the love and value that were were blessed to receive from the cross. Without judging or condemning. Simply loving and accepting. So...now its your turn to "turn around and touch 6 people and tell them"...

A shift in perspective...

Today I attended our monthly Motor Neurones Disease (MND) clinic. And today, more than ever before, it really started to shift my perspective on things. Which is good. Because the minute it doesn't, it means I have become numb.

I don't know if you have heard of MND or know anyone who has this medical condition, but I guarantee if you have that you wont have forgotten it. MND in my opinion is probably one of the worst and cruelest medical conditions that exist. When you get diagnosed, for most people this means that you have any where from 9 months to 5 years to live. No treatment. No cure. Nothing. At least with cancer you have a chance of fighting it. But with MND...there is nothing that can be done. Ahead of you...you are likely to lose the strength and movement in your legs. So you can not stand or walk. You lose the strength and movement in your arms. So you can not dress yourself, feed yourself, scratch an itch, hug someone, or wipe your own nose. You may lose the strength of the muscles in your face/throat. Which means you slowly lose the ability to eat and drink. Or even swallow your own saliva. You may also lose the strength in your diaphragm. Which means you struggle to breathe. Yet all this time, in most cases, your mind is alert and knows whats going on. And there is nothing you can do.

Today I sat and watched the patients in front of me. I watched one man as he struggled to breathe. Every breath took such effort and left him exhausted. And I wondered how often I stop and appreciate the fact that I breathe without even realising it. You hear people say "I appreciate the air I breathe"...but I wonder if they really do.
I watched another man in front of me as he "ate" his meal down a PEG tube sticking out of his stomach. And I thought about all the times I feel guilty for eating a piece of chocolate.
I watched the woman who could barely stand and walk across the room, and I thought about all the times I complain about having to walk anywhere or do some exercise because I cant be bothered.
I watched the man who had lost the ability to talk...and I asked myself if I had told all the people in my world enough times that I loved them.
And I watched the carers of all these people...the sons, wives, husbands...and saw the heartache that came as they watched the person they loved die slowly in front of them. And I thought about all the times that I get caught up in petty arguments with family members, rarely stopping to appreciate the time that I have with them.

I wondered if my perspective would change if I knew that I was dying, or I was watching someone I loved dying. And then...I realised that my perspective should change NOW. I don't want to wait to appreciate and love the people closest to me. To wait for the right time to stop and literally breathe and smell the flowers. To walk to places and experience adventure. To use my hands to help others. The time is now. I read a man complaining in the paper today because an Australian sporting team put their hand over their heart as they sang our national anthem, and he was angry because it was un-Australian (and too American). And I thought...that's what you choose to get angry about?! Is your life so small that that's what is important?! The world is big and there is much to be done...and that world might just be the people around you. The neighbour who is sick. The friend who is lonely. Its time we had a shift in our perspective.

"I cant tell how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. We didn't fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren't small, but you're living them in a small way" 2 Corinthians 6:11-13 (message)

In the Beginning...

So...here is my blog. I am not even sure what a blog is. Certainly never bothered reading one. But I am about to embark on a big life adventure and it just seemed silly to keep it to myself.

To start at the beginning...I am a 30 year old Aussie girl. Currently living in Sydney, but deep down still a beach/coastal girl at heart. I work in a hospital, have amazing friends and family...but the most important thing to me is my faith. And no, this wont really be a bible-bashing blog...but its who I am and therefore is a big factor in everything I do/say/think.

Its funny because I am starting this blog because I feel like I am at the start of a great adventure...but what I have come to realise is that even though this is just the beginning...really, things were being put into place a long time ago. So who knows when all this began.
For me it all seemed to start about 3 months ago when I broke up with my fiancee. Amazing guy who treated me well and who I loved...but it wasn't meant to be, and so when God took his hand off things and they got hard, we both decided to walk away. Which became such an amazing/powerful/life-changing time of my life, as ironic as it sounds. I realised truly for the first time that God sees so deep inside of me. He knows what makes me truly happy/fulfilled/hopeful, even when I can't quite figure out what that is. And He rescues us when we are going the wrong way. I now understand the depth of when people say that He has a plan for my life, and I also realised that He never wants us to settle or put aside our desires to pursue that plan...because He gives us those desires and wants us to experience them! He wants us to experience joy and happiness and all of the good things in life, and amazingly if you simply desire God and nothing else, He brings all those things into your life anyways. Pretty cool! In a very summarized nutshell...

So then I found myself back at 30, and single. And I knew that I had a choice. I could either waste the next season of my life feeling miserable and sitting around "waiting" for the right guy...or I could choose to have a great adventure, make the most of my freedom and great single season...and see what God does through that. So that is what I chose.
So now...in exactly 3 months, I will be landing in Uganda, after packing up my life here for a season. I am heading there not for a holiday, but to hopefully impact some young lives - and I am sure in the process, have them impact mine in more ways that I will ever know. I am going to be volunteering in the Watoto Baby home, where they rescue vulnerable and abandoned babies and care for them and raise them up to understand their value and potential. How cool is that! 7 weeks helping to care for up to 75 babies...now that's a LOT of nappies/hungry mouths/cries to comfort! But...like I said...I am not out to have lovely touristy holiday...instead I want to use this time to make my mark and make a difference. No matter how big or little that is.
From there...I head to USA. Spending time with family there, and then heading to the bright lights of NYC to help build and grow the new Hillsong church we are planting there. Yep...totally crazy move. No...no idea where I will live or what I will do. But for the first time in my life, I am on this AMAZING faith journey where I am coming to accept that I don't NEED to know! God does. And I have been blown away in recent times watching Him open doors and start to make things fall in place in my life. Without me having to do anything! Who would have thought that God didn't need me to be running around in a panic trying to control my whole life!?!? Gee...wish I had that figured out earlier!!
So yeah...I guess this will be a blog of my adventures. The good. The sad. The very ugly. But as the name of my blog suggests...I believe that for the next 365 days...my life will shift. Maybe just one degree a day...maybe more...maybe some days I go backwards. But I believe that by the time this season ends, I will have gone full circle...plus some. And come back a changed, stronger, more passionate and more convicted woman. And maybe with a few cute African babies in my backpack!! Shhh...

http://www.watoto.com/projects/the-watoto-model/baby-watoto